If I could give a piece of advice to my younger self: set boundaries and protect them fiercely. Because the cost of not setting them is way higher than setting them up and losing things and people that wouldn't respect you anyway.

I've been a people pleaser most of my life, chewing away my discontent, swallowing my tears, allowed people to raise their voice and spit lies. Why risk the peace, why risk the possibility of having to fight my way through everything, why risk people thinking bad of me? Standing up for myself is still something I am not entirely used to, but I've become better at it after going through my 3 year burnout and beginning Siren Enchantments.

Growing older and seeing how most systems work on manipulation, exploitation and the downright abuse of resources, it isn't weird that humans cross boundaries to not face the responsibility they should take for themselves. Rather appoint a black sheep and reverse UNO the fact that one should take accountability for their actions. Or put all the responsibility of an imaginary man in the sky. That too.

When I decided that Siren would no longer offer "cheap" services (under 1200kr) to earn a liveable wage and when I decided I would no longer accomodate people and their bankaccounts to disregard my own, things began to move around. And not entirely for the better at first. While offering more curated packages, people stayed away. Some tried to get discounts, some got mad and I realised: people will only see the worth they want to see. I continued sitting with the uncomfortable. Shedding is never an easy process, it takes time.

For months it annoyed me that people would book large services, buy subscriptions and then not pay the deposit (which automatically cancelled their appointments) or just not pay the subscription period. People would cancel their appointments less than 24 hours before they were about to come in and I wouldn't have the option to get the cancellation fee, or a payment option to manually pay would be ignored. I would also not be able to fill up the spot that would be freed up.

I also notice that not only do children apparently are doing worse than ever in reading, so do adults. I have very clear rules for my booking processes, as well as the Wheel of the Year celebrations, which happen at my own private home. The tickets are non-refundable due to the fact that I curate the celebrations and buy in for the people that sign up. I also due this out of sheer love for the wheel of the year and the funds of the tickets help me with the upkeep and improvement of each celebration. There are also rules for how to treat the plants and animals here as well that the 2nd floor of the house is off limits.

Unfortunately, I have been disrespected a little too much, yet been reprimanded for it and demanded to apologize for damages I didn't cause. So now, there are fines, I have to be more strict and people will then say: they will not attend anymore. Ok, bye!

I've been thinking about this whole boundary-thing a LOT the last couple of days. Everytime in my life where I had to set hard boundaries, the times I dared to stand up for myself and say: hey this is something I do not tolerate or allow (in my work, my home, my space) - it cost me something. It has cost me jobs and it cost me people who I thought were my friends.

But people who act right don't make you feel bad about setting boundaries, people who respect my work will understand why I work the way I do now and actually make a living, people who are my friends will follow up on damages and not make me responsible for something I did not do. So do boundaries cost or do they make space for peace?

Trying to make everyone else happy or maintaining a picture-perfect environment was costing me my own peace. True alignment isn't about avoiding conflict or being everything to everyone (like acting as an (emotional) safety net); it's about being authentic and honest; even if it disrupts the collective dynamic. We see this in the world: everyone is trying to please everyone which results in sociopaths ruling and steering the world stage (and you don't even have to be into conspiracies to see that).

Boundaries teach how to re-engage on your own terms. I moved out of that defensive, stagnant shell. Instead of sitting in a state of quiet resentment or feeling drained by external demands, I rather wish to reclaim my awareness and become receptive to the things around me that do right - not always on my terms, but definitely in a way that humbles and allows me to grow as a human being.

Learning the difference between what is my burden to bear and a burden I took out of habit/obligation taught me that when I put up those boundaries I didn't lose anything, anything that decided to opt out: lost me. I stopped sitting on the fence, the blindfold came off. I'm no longer willing to pretend that I don't know what needs to be done. Setting boundaries isn't an optional, debatable luxury - it's a necessity for my survival - as a businessowner, as a mother, a wife, a daughter, an artist and for this place that I temporarily may call my home, for this body, this mind, this heart and these working hands.

Reality requires us to make tough choices sometimes and I may come across harsh, stern or even crass, but I am also very honest and vocal about what I can or cannot tolerate. Artificial peace requires so much mental space and I'd rather just have the clarity out in the open.

If that costs me something then it wasn't meant to be anyway. It also removes the pressure of disrupting my sanity or make me feel bad about being very fond of my plants. And my cats. And my house. And my family. And my art. Ofcourse these boundaries work vice versa too, but I will apologise, replace, pay for damages, follow up on harm I caused, because in that way the people pleasing isn't entirely over. If I break, I will fix. But if you screwed up and make me feel responsible for your actions? That is entirely on you.


Stay kind and honest,

Lene
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